As the days pass us by...

All of my promises of being here everyday have drifted to the shore like balls of oil.  Days fly by before I can grab them and exhaustion takes over like a relentless hag of a boss.  But here I am...red eyed and beaten to a pulp.  But a blog entry to show for it.

There are so many thoughts bouncing around in my half empty head like a classic pinball machine.  Where to start?

I guess with my brain itself...and brains in general.

Have you noticed how much your brain protects you (and sometimes scars you) in the most interesting ways.  I can't go into much detail about my latest revelation in fear of upsetting others or exposing a very private situation (that I am still working through and learning more about).  But, through the process of having this revelation, I have discovered that my brain is my bestest friend and my worst enemy.  Have you felt or experienced this before?

It is amazing how incredibly protective your brain is to your well-being and sanity (but yet can turn on you in a heartbeat).  When something traumatic happens in your life...so traumatic that you are unable to retain the details but "feel" the residue years later...it is your brain to thank (or to curse).  It shuts the shade on that window and locks it away in the depths of gray matter so that you can live your life without the constant burden of the pain inflicted.  Then there is a moment...at the most random time...that a thought...an image...escapes that window and you start to unwrap the unwelcomed gift given. 

 But then there are those times where your brain works in overdrive to question a situation that isn't bad but that you perceive bad.  Or a situation where something went wrong and you spend hours...days...weeks...months questioning yourself about it.  What did I do wrong?  What could I have done different?  Is it me?  Why doesn't your brain shut that shade?  Selective protecting...

Not for nothing.  I just thought it was interesting how the brain works.  Is it a protector of your heart or the one that pierces it in the end?

Thought marble number 2...

I had a great day today.  I dressed up in actual corporate work attire and met with Wells Fargo executives and other executives from local businesses and organizations around town.  I wore heeled sandals (not flip flops) and even put on eye shadow!  It was a sure switch from the norm.  Knowing that H was with her Auntie Erin made it all the more pleasurable to go to my work luncheon and do what I always used to do best...interact with very interesting and corporate ADULTS in a very classy (and yummy) restaurant! 

Ahhhh, I felt at home.

I must say that the corporate environment can be like a drug (for some...for me).  It is the "fix" I need from time to time.  It feels good to be good at something after always (or at least frequently) questioning my momma skills (even though I think those are pretty good, if I do say so myself).

There are so many other beautifully colored marbles floating around my head...so many other things to talk to you about.  But, I do want to post in little H's blog and do a quick update in my FAT blog.  That being said, I must exit out for the time being but I really DO plan on being here more often.

Please accept my deepest apologies for not being the blogger I promised to be.  I will try even harder.  I momma all day, work on my event all night and then snore so loud NASA can hear it from the space station.  I am DEFINITELY burning the ol' metaphoric candle from both ends so I know my fingers are bound to get a good burn.  But hopefully it will be while I am typing some meaningless entry in this dusty blog!