Day in the Life of a Sloth!

Good morning all. Yes, it is Saturday and I did not post on Friday. There is good reason for that and I will be happy to explain.

Yesterday morning started in its usual way. After the routine, I did a little bit of laundry including the sheets and duvet on our bed. I wonder how often most people wash their sheets. I am going to start trying for once a week. In the past it has been longer than that but, since I have more time, I think I will start making it a weekly ritual (without burning candles or speaking in tongue). With more time on my hands I am thinking about things more. And, sleeping in more than a week's worth of sleep sweat kinda grosses me out a little.

Onward...Friday was meant to be the day I was going to get my name changed on my license - the official identity change. I have already applied for my new social security card but it hadn't come in the mail yet. However, the nice lady (she was actually nice and didn't hate her job) at the social security office said that I could have my license changed after 48 hours by just bringing in the letter that she gave me stating that I had applied for my new ss card.

Todd decided to go with me. The plan was to get my license changed and then head to my bank to close my checking account. We have decided to use the same bank (even though I have banned his bank in the past because of some bad experiences I had with them about 10 years ago - hey, sometimes I hold grudges!). The theory behind using the same bank is that transfers between accounts will be easier - he has his personal account, I have my personal account then we have a joint house account. Now that I am a professional sloth, I will be earning an allowance that will be taken from one of the other accounts and placed into the personal sloth account. Anyway, having it all in one bank seems like the easiest route (what is the saying about putting all your eggs in one basket??).

Well, we get to the oh so pleasant DMV after we had a quick lunch at Rubios (love their grande bowl minus the chicken) around 12:30 or 1. It didn't look too overly populated and the line to get your number went quick! I head up to the lady to get my ticket number and told her what I needed to have done. I said, I need to change my name on my license. She said something that I couldn't quite hear and I stood their trying to see if the words would weed through the ear wax before saying "huh". Then I realized what she said, "marriage?" and I said "oh yeah, right." We enjoyed a courtesy chuckle and she went on to say "you must have had a brain fart." Something about this government worker saying I had had a brain fart seemed so odd to me...I don't know why.

Anyway, I show her the document that the ss lady told me I needed to change my license. DMV lady asked if I had my marriage certificate. I said no - remembering that it did kinda cross my mind before we left the house "just in case" - but no, I didn't have it. Well, just like a fine rehearsed actor, she whipped out another document that needed to be filled out, told me to bring in my marriage license and the ss document and that will be all I need...we are open until 4. Ok, right lady. Like I am going to go all the way back home, fill out this additional document, grab my marriage license (and yes we are organized enough for me to know exactly where that is) and then drive all the way back, stand in line again, wait for my number to be called and get my license changed...on a Friday. Tell ya what. How about we do this next week. I've been married since May 31...I think we can wait another week.

So we left there no more than 5 minutes after we got there. On the way to the DMV we saw a bicycle place. I have been wanting to get a bike since T got one a couple of months ago. I mentioned that again. So when we left the DMV, T asked where to next Chuck? He uses the name Chuck a lot - even with Tay who actually responds to it! I say, hey, how about we check out the bike place. He says, ok cool. We checked it out. There are so many different types of bikes. Keep in mind, the last time I rode a bike I was like 14 or 15...no wait....maybe even younger. You do realize that was over 20 years ago...20!!!!!! Holy cow the whole process made me feel old!

But, yeah, a lot of different options...you have your mountain bikes for the daredevil in you with big ol' 4-wheelin tires that are fat and look like they could go on a monster truck. Then you have your hybrid (I think) which is a cross between mountain bike and street bike - the tires are thick but not monster truckish. Then you have your street bike which reminded me a lot of my ol' faithful blue Schwinn 10-speed - my first convertible vehicle! Now, you think that's all the different styles right? Well, within those styles you also have the beach comber (umm, not thinking I need that here), the step through (which refers to how the frame is made), disc brakes (I am not kidding), different kinds of shocks and different sizes of bikes (which was my favorite part because I am actually an extra small!! Can't say that often!!).

Well, my intimidation factor went through the roof - much like it does when I shop for cars. I look at color and prettiness factor. But when it comes to the nuts and bolts, I have to refer to someone who knows - or can act like they know. That would be T. He can certainly talk the talk about anything with anyone. And, since he got a good lesson when he bought his bike, I felt like I was in good hands. I just pointed at ones that I thought were pretty and then told why that wouldn't work for me.

Store one had some good options but T preferred a different store - the one where he bought his bike. So we headed there - no quick drive but it was Friday and it was fun to take a drive and chat. When we got to store 2 everything happened pretty fast. We found a lady to help us and she really loved her job - she was all over us, helping us, whipping out some courtesy laughs when we were being our silly selves. You can't ask for better service.

We found a hybrid in a pretty greenish color (that's why I pointed at it). This is when I learned I was an extra small in bikes! Boy, I sure do love this bike shopping. I may go sometime when I am feeling a little thick around the edges just to hear that and then leave! She unlocked the bike for me and had me sit on it while she held it - boy, this was the start of the nervousness we call biking after 20+ years. Like a 6 year old on their first bike without training wheels, I kept asking her if she's got it. She assured me she did so I sat on the seat and she thought that the size looked perfect. The seat can be adjusted as can the handle bars (I don't remember my 10 speed having options like that!). She said, how about a test spin...ummm, what? So she led us to the back door of the store and, after taking my credit card and license to ensure I will come back, gestured to a parking lot and suggested I try it out. I started making nervous jokes about how I haven't ridden in a long time and some other corny things that luckily I don't remember. My brain was reeling away thinking about T and this lady watching me (as well as some dude that drove up as I was mounting my new skull crusher that started talking to the bike lady), I thought about the fact that this is an active parking lot with cars and people. I thought about how close it was to the road which reminded me to find where the breaks are on the handle bars. With hands sweating, the inappropriate gear of flip flops and purse (I ended up giving the purse to T - let's all be embarrased by this moment) and the thought of crashing through that expensive Volvo across from my starting point (surely it has an alarm on it as well to really draw attention) I guess I was ready. I clumsily mounted the green machine (that has like 20 something gears - what the heck do I need all of those for...my car only has 5) and wobbily headed across the very hard pavement that was sure to be closer to my head in seconds.

Going straight it felt pretty good - so it's true what they say about riding a bike! Uh-oh, people coming out of a neighboring store (wobble-wobble). Oh crap, I have to make a right turn to go back to where I started (I didn't take that into account). Ah, another straight away. Oh no, not another right turn! And by a side road even...whew, made it - kinda wide but I made it. Because I wasn't comfortable with how to stop (should have thought about that before I started) I decided to take another lap. I yelled out to T that I was going around again. He looked happy that I was enjoying myself but in reality the only way I knew how to stop was to run into the back of the store. So, instead of focusing on my turns, I decided to focus on where the breaks were on this death stick. I pushed them in and they definitely worked! That could have been funny to some and a brain melt to others. As I made my final turn, and the audience increased (maybe that was more in my head) I clumsily hit the breaks and jumped off...TADA! Ok, my feet are safely back on land. I walked back to where my fans where standing looking pleased (and one ready to make a sell). It's great, I exclaimed. I love it! Where do I sign? I guess no one noticed how red my hands were from gripping so tight I lost feeling in the tips. But whatev!

She rolled it back into the store and gave me back my credit card and license. My professional biker T rolled out more items that we had to have. A water bottle holder and insulated water bottle (ummm, yeah...this goes between my legs down by my feet. I may remain thirsty on most rides for a while), I picked the green water bottle to match my green bike...you can see how I think. Forget the fact that I will never be able to take my hands off of the handle bars to lean down and pull my water bottle out of the death grip of the holder. But the green one sure is pretty.

We also needed a helmet - another very attractive accessory that I didn't have to have back in the pre-cell phone days. There were all sorts of colors and styles - none of which worked with my face, but oh well. I picked black because there were no green helmets to choose from. Black will make my head look slender anyway. What a pain (literally) it was to size those puppies up but we got it done.

Let's see, what other accessories did I "need." Oh! I got a headlight and a tail light. The tail light blinks or you can choose the chase mode. It's like a little disco on the back of your bike. The head light is LED and can be popped off the holder to become a flashlight! For all those late nights fighting the spiders and snakes while I ride in the dark...maybe when I get a little more experienced.

I also got a little bag to put your ID, cell phone or whatever else you may need on the ride...lip gloss, a bottle of rum, band aids...whatnot. I couldn't believe all of the accessories in this store...gloves, rump padded shorts, shirts, other stuff that I wasn't sure what it was...wow, this is a whole world unto itself.

So, the bike and all of the needed gadgets came in under $400 - which I hear is a steal! So yay! We head out to put the bike in the car when we notice there isn't a kick stand. Umm, doesn't that come standard? That's like a car without a parking brake. We walked it back into the store and had them add it on - $14! For a kick stand! Oh well, after $400, what difference does $14 make?

We took off the front wheel and puzzle-pieced it into the back of T's car. Next stop was Tarjay - I know, seems like I am there everyday. But we wanted to pick up a new board game to play last night over cocktails and cigar (T with a cigar, not me). So we went in to Target and I had to make a pit stop in the potty. It amazes me that not every place has those toilet seat covers. Most places do so when I go to a place that doesn't, it just seems archaeic (sp?).

Anyway, after the potty, I put my blinders on and walked quickly with T to the game session. I must make myself NOT look at anything on the way or we could be there all day. And I was actually quite anxious to ride my new bike with T before dark! We checked out the board games and only found a few selections that didn't require 4 or more players. Holy cow, you actually have to have friends in order to play board games anymore. Geez!

We ended up getting Mad Gab or something to that affect. I know Lauren and Ryan have that game and we had a fun time playing it. And two players can play so it was a winner. We headed out (without buying anything else - amazing I know!).

By the time we got home it was about 5 PM and the sun was heading west fast. So we put my fanny pack on the bottom of the seat and my helmet on my head. Next thing you know, we are heading down the road. Me cussing to myself as I wobble around and try to avoid small pebbles thinking I was going to fall. T has been riding for a while now so he just maneuvers all over the place. Me, not so much. As he is hopping up on sidewalks and making tight turns, I am trying to keep my feet on the peddles and my butt in the seat. To get on most of the bike paths around our house (and there are quite a few which is nice) you have to go between these small poles. Umm, yeah. That was quite tricky and scary for me. I believe a few not so nice words came out a couple of times...once kinda close to a family park. Sorry folks.

Other than my fear of dying and hitting a very unfortunate bone against the frame everytime I hit the brakes and flew forward, it was a very enjoyable ride. Watching the sunset (when I wasn't glaring at the road in front of me) and smelling the horse poop from nearby farms was very refreshing. In all seriousness, it was nice being outside with T and just enjoying the beginning of the evening. And I didn't fall once.

When we got back to the house, we fixed our adult bevs and watched a little TV. We ended up having burritos for dinner made with lean ground turkey. It was really good. We got caught up in The Ring which we had both seen before. It was the TV version so it kinda stunk but we still couldn't pull ourselves away. After the movie we headed to the back patio and T had a cigar. A few random fireworks went off in the distance which was kinda cool. We headed in and cleaned up and went to watch TV in bed. Hmmm, did I mention a game that we bought to play last night. Never happened.

So this morning I was up at 5 am listening to the weiner dog next door bark and whine. We are not sure what to do about that situation. His peeps are never home and they always leave him outside. He barks constantly. Which I don't blame on him. He is lonely and bored. But people who own pets that SHOULDN'T own pets make me very angry. Not to mention that our neighbors across the street had dead deer in the back of their pick up truck. Next day they just had the heads. I wanted to shoot them but I know that's illegal. I despise hunters all together and wish that I could hunt the hunters. I would love to see the fear in their eyes when I have a rifle pointed between their "deer in headlight" eyes. Oops, on a rant, sorry. But really, dead deer in the back of your pick up truck? They don't even do that in Louisville! Maybe Hazard, Kentucky but not Louisville. Redneck punks.

I got up and did the usual routine. We ended up taking an hour and a half ride this morning - rode 14 miles and burned 900 cals! The only incident was me trying to thread the needle between the two poles...well, I didn't make it. I kinda ran into one of the poles. No damage to bike, leg or arm! I didn't even fall down. And, better yet, no one was around to see me other than T.

We are about to head out to have some lunch and beers and run some errands. Casual Saturday with no plans in the hopper. May get out my Halloween decorations when we get back. It will be an early night because we have to pick up Tay across town (an hour away) at 7:30 tomorrow morning before heading to the Pumpkin Patch.

So, I will leave you with this. Riding a bike is a very positive experience. You are always the windshield - never the bug...however, as in life, keep your mouth closed unless you absolutely need to say something because you can get bugs in your teeth.