To my Letterman fans (or at least to those who love a top 10 list):
10. Your hair falls out so much, you feel like you should carry around a shop vac! Not to mention, when you think you are wiping drool off of your baby's face but a long hair that is knotted with 10 others come out of her mouth instead!
9. Showers consist of a quick rinse down, the frequent darting out into the cold to reposition the paci, followed by a resignation that you will never have time to shave...your legs...ever again.
8. While holding baby and making a bottle, enough drool runs down your arm from hungry baby, it could cause a slipping hazard...and you don't even notice!
7. All of your shirts have some sort of milk/formula stain on them before leaving the house as well as deep wrinkles (after ironing, of course) that won't come out until the next washing.
6. Picking up your dog's poop in the park was always gross to you but now it is nothing but a daily routine to bring your baby's butt to your nose to check for a poopy diaper.
5. You know what a "5 wiper" poop is...
4. You have learned to walk on your tippiest of toes to keep baby asleep after swaddling, feeding and rocking...you DIVE when you see a small paperclip falling off the counter onto the tile floor...on the lower level of the house. That little paperclip could be the end of your sleep filled evening!
3. Your new negligee is now in the form of 10 year old jammy pants with stretched out elastic and your husband's white undershirt.
2. You have a love/hate relationship with the baby monitor. The least bit of baby noise that comes from it keeps you awake until an hour passes with no noise.
1. You live (and eat) on the basis that, hey, I created life and was pregnant for nine months. That's why I am overweight and the consistency of jello! Not because I am eating this quarter pounder after that burrito I had at Taco Bell. And, hell, I deserve that Blizzard at DQ...don't you know what I did in that hospital room?? I deserve to eat what I want and blame having a baby for my delicious rolls!!
4 comments:
I like the top 10, I love Letterman and it has been over six years since I have birthed a child and my hair still falls out!!! I have teenagers...is that why?
...and then the Number Onester to top em all...you know you're a mom when you fly two thirds the way 'cross this country to see your family and you're greeted with, "a-a-h..hi sweetheart..how's my girl?"..and you're not the "girl" they're talk'n to!! Being a mommy is a full-time job...being "my kid" is a lifetime of being "my girl" and when i'm talk'n to one i'm talk'n to two!! Thanks for being my great Kid and having such a great kid..you are a wonderful Mommy...uh, whats that running down your arm?
Love your top 10 list. #1 is my favorite.
I think #4 was my favorite one... hilarious!
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