Appreciation

I appreciate that Tay's Mom's side of the family hates me but loves Tay
Yes, that's right. The birthday extravaganza went off without too much of a drama. Honestly, I was dreading this day on many levels. Before I decided to have a Super Bowl party and coming off of the m/c incident, I was stressing about seeing Lauren, seeing babies/kids and, to top it off, seeing the very beings who would like to see my being "been". But, with the help of a dose of pregnancy reality on Super Bowl and various texts with Lauren, I was pretty comfortable with that aspect of things. I feel we are getting back on target. But the P Family (I don't want to put their full last name) was a different story.

I was pretty surprised at how calm and stress-free I was before we headed to Pump It Up. And this is without adult libations. T, on the other hand, was biting a circle of holes in his lips as early as two hours before scheduled departure. Of course, he is fully aware of the psychosis of the P's and has had personal experience with them in the past. I really have not. I have had the threatening emails and the late night texts from Michelle and her Dad early on in our relationship but nothing that has been actually DONE - especially in public.

We headed out right on time and found our way to the birthday gathering. When we first approached the building, we didn't see any ally cars parked in the lot so T decided to pass on by - drive by number 1 - until we had some backup. This was like a swat team maneuver! I texted Lauren and their Dad to see how close they were. They weren't. But then we got a call from T's Mom that she was sitting and waiting for someone to arrive...in the parking lot next to PIU. Everyone was waiting for backup!

Once we all got there, we had to stand in the same small room to wait for the doors to open. Somewhat awkward but no biggie. Hey, when no one is looking at you or acknowledging your presence, how hard could it really be?? The nice thing was that Tay felt "normal" with all of us there. Overwhelmed, yes. But normal. She ran up and gave T and I a big hug in front of the P's. That made me feel more at ease that there wouldn't be any wierdness for Tay.

The crazy thing was - we were in a place where adults and kids alike can jump around in these inflatable castles and such. I wore shoes without socks so I wasn't going to be able to play. But, turns out that Mrs. P had extra pairs of socks and let me borrow them. Trust me, the socks were as cold as ice coming from her but the fact that she (and the rest of them) could be civil in the same space (not to mention the same planet) is quite a leap!! Oh, and the fact that none of us were injured "accidentally" in the castles is something to mention as well!

At the end of the party - only 1.5 hours after we started...although felt much longer than that - we all headed out at the same time. There were some awkward goodbyes and thank you's (from me) that went unnoticed (or unwanted) but I was one step closer to T's car which was one step closer to our little world in Rancho Marana. I definitely felt like a fish out of water when Tay was having me pick her up and then her Mom asking her to come to her so that she could carry Tay to the car. But I totally understood and kept my distance as I always have and always will.

Tay had me lay with her as she was trying to fall asleep that night. I had mentioned the weekend before that maybe she and I could have a sleep over when Daddy goes to Europe. I proposed that we could invite Nona, Aunt Lauren, Amber, Amy, Liz (with Astraya - another little girl) and we could all stay up, paint our nails and watch movies until we all passed out in our sleeping bags. Well, she mentioned this idea to Memaw (Mrs. P) and it flew over like a lead blimp! Tay was pretty bummed but I suggested that she not get too upset about it until Daddy talked to Mommy about it. I don't know what will come of it...

Bottom line, it was a good first time for all families to be in the same small space together celebrating Tay. Although I know they would rather I play in traffic with a blindfold, I feel that it was a wonderful first step to all of us being involved in Tay's life.

I appreciate bike riding with a 5 year old
I always heard others tell me this but I never understood what they meant - when you have kids, you see things through their eyes which gives you a whole new appreciation of the world. Or of life. Or a renewed appreciation. Or is it an abbreviation of appreciation or annihilation of appreciation...ok, I regress.

We bought Tay a princess bike for her birthday that included training wheels and a princess helmet. She was very excited and rode it around in the kitchen and dining room for the first night she arrived.

Friday we decided to take a bike tour of the ol' Rancho Marana. Now, as you have all become familiar with, I am not a Tour de France rider...more like a Teeter de Top rider. And I hadn't ridden for a while so I was wondering if Tay was going to get a first hand glance at someone eating pavement after a "10" rated flip off the front of the handle bars.

Well, off we went. T in front, Tay behind him and then me, with the riders death grip, behind her. Danger, danger! When riding behind a 4' person on a tiny princess bike with training wheels, everything goes much slower than when you are riding with T alone. And, I don't know why, but riding slow makes the balance challenging and the grip tighter. As I was enjoying watching Tay smile and try to get both training wheels off the ground, my mind was reeling thinking of the potential collision that could take place between a 100 and something pound adult with limited bike handling abilities and a poor, unsuspecting 4' 5 year old with a princess helmet.

A couple of times she would slam on her breaks in order to let T go further ahead so that she could ride fast to him. Of course, my ability to read her mind was a bit off that day (ummm, as with most days) and the potential of a collision rose tremendously. I really didn't want the responsibility of riding behind her. It was stressing me out almost as much as the poles and cars I was trying to avoid.

Saturday when we rode, it was much better. I was prepared for the immediate stops and I felt a bit more comfortable in my seat as a driver. Because I was a bit more calm and relaxed (only a bit), I was able to really take in the bike riding experience with Tay. Watching her watch her wheels and move her body to try balancing on the two wheels reminded me of when I was riding my first bike. I think I remember trying it without training wheels when we still lived in our trailer which is about the same age as Tay is now. Dad or Mom could confirm this for me. But, a memory that has been tucked back in the folds for such a long time, came to the surface and it was funny thinking about how cyclical life is. I enjoyed watching Tay remembering my Dad holding onto my bike when I first got my wheels off to help me balance. As I was remembering this, I looked over and saw another little Rancho Marana kid with her Dad trying out her bike without training wheels. There were a lot of kids on their bikes that day and Tay made sure to point out who had their training wheels and who did not.

I appreciate that I still have a couple of active brain cells that can call up memories of my awesome childhood. It made me smile and took a cloudy film off of the day for me. Sometimes I get into such a rut that I don't take time to look at the sky, to go for a bike ride, to feel the wind in my face, to watch a little girl with her first bike smile and look back at me to tell me she "did it." I appreciate the opportunity to be a part of her life and her life experiences.

I appreciate a good movie night and a great DUMB cat!
Even though Tay picked out the same movie as she did last time...Open Season 2. It is a pretty cute movie though and I am completely in love with one of its supporting characters (who I think MADE the movie) - Roger the Dumb Cat.





OMG he cracks me up and T can do a great impersonation! He makes me laugh everytime. If you want to see a clip...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX3XFmFr3HE

I appreciate that!!


I appreciate a good date night
Saturday Michelle and her fiance Casey picked Tay up from our house. Now, before you pass out on your keyboard, part of the reason (if not most) is because she was coming back from Phoenix and we were on the way. But, whatever the case may be, it was a nice change and one that T fully enjoyed. That cut out 3 hours of driving for him.

It was hard for me because it switched up my usual routine a bit. I usually hit the cleaning hard when he leaves so that the house can be picked up and nice when he gets home. I also usually get dinner started, light candles and turn some music on. Well, with the change in plans, T and Tay helped me clean. When Tay left, T and I had an adult bev, lit some candles and made some dinner. It was nice that he didn't have to drive but I still like to do those things for him. I am sure I will have many more times to do it in the future. Michelle won't always be in Phoenix.

We had a great date night. Ended up having beverages and watching the BlueRay version of Twister. Pretty cool. Some of the graphics were a bit lacking but it was still an oldie but goodie that we enjoyed.

I appreciate the beauty of Tucson
It's been a while since I have talked about the beauty of Tucson. You know, when I first moved out here, I remember saying to my parents, I can't imagine how anyone could take the beautiful sky and mountains for granted here. How could you not be mesmerized everyday by their beauty. I remember swearing to myself that I would always take the time to appreciate the beauty of my surroundings.

Well, as it does with everyone else, time has gone on and life has put a blindfold on my eyes...or maybe just shades. Where I used to sit out back and enjoy the sunsets, I have instead plastered my eyes to a computer screen. Where I used to gasp from looking at the awesome mountains, I have cried over spilled milk. Where I used to spot rainbows in full spectrum, I have resorted to spotting problems.

Well, Sunday was a day of awakening. As I was heading up the road to my usual Sunday Circle K stop for a newspaper and fountain ice tea, I saw the most beautiful FULL rainbow. From my perspective, it sure looked like one end landed behind our house and the other end landed behind the Circle K - that's appropriate! But it really made me realize that I have somehow hit the fast forward button on life and haven't repaired the pause button that so desperately needs to be utilized more. I made ammends today by really admiring the Catalina mountains. They are fitted with snow to their bellies and look elegant and soft. The famous finger that usually guides me north was hidden behind low, thick clouds that softly danced on top of the mountains. I am so happy that I took that time, granted while driving to the gym, to look at the beauty that I seem to miss everyday.

I appreciate the wonders of nature and our planet. Aren't we lucky that conditions of our universe and our solar system has allowed such a beautiful body to withstand time so that we can enjoy its life?

I hope that you are appreciating life. If you think you need to slow down for a better look, I suggest you do. It fills your heart.